I miss being pregnant

I was holding Riona this afternoon, with her sleeping on my chest. Her little feet rubbed against my belly, and it almost felt like when she would kick when I was pregnant.

I don't miss not being able to roll over in bed. I don't miss achy hips. I miss little baby kicks and hiccups. I miss the excitement and anticipation that's constant (mixed in with some anxiety and such - but still there). Most of all I miss that. Not because there won't be new and exciting things happening. I am ecstatic that she'll be smiling very soon, and can't wait!! But there's things I'm not looking forward to - things that are overshadowed by the excitement when you're pregnant.

I'm not looking forward to leaving her 2 nights a week for school in just a few months. I'm dreading it in fact. We won't even talk about when school starts in the fall. I'll not only be in class longer, but have a heavier workload that will more than likely keep me away from home and all the kids more.

I'm having trouble moving past that. Summer is actually optional, but the class isn't. I will have to take it eventually, and besides my photography classes, it's the only one I can't take online. So it just makes sense to do it when I don't have any other classes to take. I'm thrilled to be finding our groove, and looking forward to being able to take the kids and do fun things again. It's been a LONG year and a half without zoo days, and beach days, and just a spur of the moment trip because we want to (and can) go.

I'm not looking forward to putting all the little tiny clothes away. Just a reminder of how very quickly she's going to, and is, growing. Chrissy is 17, and I can't believe at all how quickly 17 years has gone. I feel like I've wasted so much of it, and there was so much more we could have done or done better. It will be a blink of an eye and I'll be looking at colleges with Riona too.

I can't wait to really get to know this sweet baby with oh so soft hair. To find her personality, figure out what makes her smile, laugh, and even cry. What color are her eyes going to end up being? What on earth is her hair going to do - will it stick up forever? And yet, part of me wants to wait. A big part of me.

For every little step in growing up, it's a little step to independence. I realize that's my ultimate goal - I just want more time to enjoy the getting there.