Monday, March 8, 2010

I miss being pregnant

I was holding Riona this afternoon, with her sleeping on my chest. Her little feet rubbed against my belly, and it almost felt like when she would kick when I was pregnant.

I don't miss not being able to roll over in bed. I don't miss achy hips. I miss little baby kicks and hiccups. I miss the excitement and anticipation that's constant (mixed in with some anxiety and such - but still there). Most of all I miss that. Not because there won't be new and exciting things happening. I am ecstatic that she'll be smiling very soon, and can't wait!! But there's things I'm not looking forward to - things that are overshadowed by the excitement when you're pregnant.

I'm not looking forward to leaving her 2 nights a week for school in just a few months. I'm dreading it in fact. We won't even talk about when school starts in the fall. I'll not only be in class longer, but have a heavier workload that will more than likely keep me away from home and all the kids more.

I'm having trouble moving past that. Summer is actually optional, but the class isn't. I will have to take it eventually, and besides my photography classes, it's the only one I can't take online. So it just makes sense to do it when I don't have any other classes to take. I'm thrilled to be finding our groove, and looking forward to being able to take the kids and do fun things again. It's been a LONG year and a half without zoo days, and beach days, and just a spur of the moment trip because we want to (and can) go.

I'm not looking forward to putting all the little tiny clothes away. Just a reminder of how very quickly she's going to, and is, growing. Chrissy is 17, and I can't believe at all how quickly 17 years has gone. I feel like I've wasted so much of it, and there was so much more we could have done or done better. It will be a blink of an eye and I'll be looking at colleges with Riona too.

I can't wait to really get to know this sweet baby with oh so soft hair. To find her personality, figure out what makes her smile, laugh, and even cry. What color are her eyes going to end up being? What on earth is her hair going to do - will it stick up forever? And yet, part of me wants to wait. A big part of me.

For every little step in growing up, it's a little step to independence. I realize that's my ultimate goal - I just want more time to enjoy the getting there.

Saturday, March 6, 2010

Baby feet

I have a thing for baby feet. I laid in bed this morning, just staring at Riona's hands and feet. I need to steal Mikhail's sketch pad and pencils and have them there waiting one morning. All the creases and wrinkles, the curves and dimples - just amazing. Since drawing them wasn't an option this morning, I grabbed the camera instead, and spent 10 minutes just taking pictures of her feet. I'd like to do the same thing with her hands if she'll cooperate. She woke up as soon as I brought the camera out - of course!

She'll be one month old tomorrow. 4 weeks. I'm not sure where it's all gone - the last two weeks have flown by. I want to curl up in bed with her, and laze around all day for weeks. If there's nothing to do, the time won't go by as quickly, or it won't seem to at least.

Karen and I did her portraits the other day. There's one "pose" I've wanted, we've tried, and I've tried, and it's never worked out! It did this time, and I love them.

Riona Joy - 3.5 weeks

I feel like a bad photographer mommy. We've just been so busy, and I forget to grab the camera for the little moments. I need to be better at that. Riona had her very first bottle the other week - and I DID grab it then. It was so bittersweet. She did great with it, and then nursed well after as well (not enough in the bottle for miss piggy!). But it's a sad reminder for me that she needs a bottle because I'm going to have to leave her to start "real" classes in just 2 months. I haven't had to leave a baby this little since my first, and I hated doing that too. At least this time it won't be for as long, and not every day.

Finding the time to pump every day has been a huge issue. At this point she pretty much eats everything I make (never happened before!). I need to find a time to just add a "feeding" where I can pump, and my schedule (and sometimes lack of one) makes that hard. I'm sure it will work out though.

In between school work and taking care of the other kids (and driving all over town most days!) I've been sewing. I can't believe that I stopped doing it for so long. It relaxes me, and is very therapeutic in many ways that I can't even begin to describe. I just have to make sure that I don't end up with 20 winter outfits for the baby - that she'll only be needing for a few more weeks (please God - no longer than that??).

Somehow I neglected baby gowns in my preparations for her. So I made 3 the other night, and made them big enough to hopefully last a bit longer than the 2 I had already. And of course, modeling mama made clothes has to turn into a photoshoot. At least I don't fail in the mommy photographer department there! There's a couple of other things that I need to finish up, and can't wait to put on her.

We're getting ready to get school going with the kids again. One of the best things about homeschooling - you can take your break when it's best for YOU! I'm hoping it will help create more of a routine around here again, and I won't be saving up these little bits and pieces for the blog, which means mammoth sized entries!