Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Decisions, indecision, and my brain is mush.

There's so many things you need to decide on when pregnant. Who you see, where you have your baby, tests, names, etc etc. Then you get to the end, and you think you're done making decisions. But your not. And you no longer have many functioning brain cells to make said decisions because the baby apparently needs them all.

I am currently more pregnant than I have been in a VERY long time (12 years). I'm just starting to get uncomfortable to the point I'm begging the baby to come. And so I had/have a decision to make. Do I let this baby decide completely on her own when she makes her exit, do I prod her a little, or do I give her an eviction notice. And if I decide to do any prodding, or write up that notice - how long do I hold out for.

There's the "natural" encouragement - which I've found (personally and 2nd hand) rarely works unless labor is imminent anyways. There's sex, pineapple, walking, squatting, evening primrose oil, etc. Then there's things that are still of the DIY category, but tend to work a bit better. Including caster oil (ick), nipple stimulation, stripping membranes, and certain herbs. And then there's the eviction process that is not a DIY technique.

So all those things require decision making. I can't even remember that one of my best friend's baby is almost 2, rather than the almost one that I'm thinking she is. And I just saw her. Never mind that I took her 1 year pictures almost a year ago!

So I weeble, and I wobble, and can't make up my mind. I ask friends. One day I'm more than done and willing to do almost anything except evict. The next, I'm all in happy land and believing that babies will come when they're ready. Really depends on how many contractions I've been teased with that day.

So today I saw the midwife again. She lied to me last week and said I wouldn't make it to this appointment pregnant(no - I didn't really believe she was 100% sure of that!). Therefore, I had to make a decision. After a long evening of contractions and not feeling well, and no where near enough sleep because contractions kept waking me up, I'm in the "lets get this baby out" camp. So I waddle out of her office with my membranes stripped. We'll see what happens. I've had it go either way (baby a few hours later, or showing up for my next appointment still very pregnant), and I'm OK with that. If she's not ready, she's not going to do her part.

But you would thins she would WANT to come out. She can't get named until she's here - I need to know that whatever we chose (no, still don't have something that's definite) is a good fit. And I've been sewing for her. Doesn't she want to wear the really cute outfits that are waiting? Like this shirt.

Or this jacket

I'm ready to meet her. To have her snuggle with me in bed at night, to nurse her, wrap her up, and watch her sleep. To sniff that sweet baby smell that doesn't last very long. To count her toes and fingers, and decide who in the family she looks like. I want to know if she has dark hair or light hair. A lot of it, or just some fuzz. I'm ready to meet my baby - she just needs to get ready to meet me!

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